Following your heart

So kids.... here's whats on my mind today..

in case none of you kno I'm what you would label a "born again christian", only thing is that I'm not exactly born again any more. I hate to use this word cuz of it's bad stigma but I guess instead of born again you could call me a backslider. Things between me and God haven't been good in a while. I've been walking around with the thought that He left me alone and forgot about me. It caused so much hate and chaos inside me that I actually came to resent Him. People would come up to me and say "oh you're a christian?" and lemme tell ya something; I'd be so quick to snap back with an answer of "well I used to be. Not any more I'm not."

Me and my mom talk a lot about what's going on with me and my relationship with God. I'm on my churches music ministry so I vent to her about everything that goes on; well almost everything. Here's the REAL point of this blog.

One day her and I were driving to Target. I don't exactly remember what we were talking about, it might have been me talking about how I need 2 go 2 the GC conference this year. I mumbled something about God leaving me. I don't think I'll ever forget the words she spouted out almost immdiatley and defensive like. With a serious tone she says "God didn't leave you, you left Him."

I ddn't know what to say back to that, mainly because something strong in my heart knew she was right. Since then I've been thinking so strongly on those words. I am actually shocked by it. I never realized until she said it.

It's so much easier to walk AWAY from God than it is to walk WITH Him. Strange right? I don't know if this is right but it's what I think. I think it's the Devils plan to make it sooo much easier on us humans to walk away than keep going. He gives us a spirit of defeat and hopelessness when things get hard with God. I know for me personally when things get tough and a little overwhelming I tend to get mad and discouraged so I do what's easiest. I simply give up.

My walk with God has been anything BUT easy! I never realized how "broken" I was on the insied until He started pointing thigs out that I needed to work on. I didn't like the feeling of getting my flaws and weaknesses being brought to the surface. Some of them He made so the people closest to me could see them and step in to be there for me. I like to give off the image that everything is perfect in my life. That I'm the happiest person you'd ever meet and that I love everything about life. But that's so far from the truth.

So I know I got off topic but I'm back now. PROMISE. If you're actually readign this I hope you take this away from it. DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR WALK WITH GOD! I know it's coming from a back sliders blog but I just hope this will save someone from the pain of walking alone.

- J