Blurbb

I don't know who this is to but I know it's from the bottom of my heart, as corny as that sounds. Most of it is what I wish someone would say to me. It's what I wish I was brave enough to say to some people. To be able to stand up in front of a crowd and speak these words to a group of young adults struggling. Here it is....



I can't help you understand this. I can't tell you the magic phrase that when spoken, all you're pain you feel suddenly goes away. I'm not some sort of superhuman healer who has the answers to your questions.

I am still hurting. I still listen to that voice everyday. The one that tells me I'm nothing, the one that tells me to jump in front of the on coming traffic on the highway, the one that tells me to just press a little deeper on my wrist with this blade that controls my fate. The same one that tells me time and time again that I am alone in this world and the people in my life who have proven over and over that they love me and are here for me, are nothing but fakes. That I deserve to be alone and should just give up fighting this once and for all.

This "thing" is sick. IT festers in our minds and builds until we can't handle it any longer. Until we become sick and catatonic. Empty shells of a person once so full of life and joy. Now we just lie in bed all day staring at the walls of our rooms. Still listening, still obeying that voice.

Demons so deep inside of us that soon their marks of control become evident. People ask what they are and we lie. Too ashamed to give up the name of our controller. Blame everything else in life from the cat to an accident.

I spend hours upon end thinking of a way out of its control. It keeps telling me I have no way out, well except for one way. It would rather have me dead than be living out of its deadly control.

We feel alone. All it would take is ONE person in our lives, a person we're close to and trust, to come and say "I know you're hurting and I just need you to let me in on what's going on. I love you and want to help you through this fight."

I don't know you and I don't know what you're going through. Like I said before, I don't know how to fix YOUR pain. I don't know if these words will give you some hope in that darkness you're in right now. I can only hope that this is reaching your heart and making you feel less alone.

To that soul who's hurting past the point of just a bad week or two: You can make it through this. I know you can!

To the cutter who is too ashamed of their marks to tell a soul what they're struggling with: I know a similar inner pain, yet not YOUR pain. I will never know your exact pain, yet I feel my own pain. Pain that only seems to go away when you succumb to the knife. To this person I would say this.... Hold on even when all you know is slipping away. Hold on for rescue from this pitch black darkness IS coming. Let those you love in when they ask what's going on. They truly love you if they're asking. trust me.

Sometimes an "I love you and care about you" is all we need.

Love is powerful!!

-J