Hey guys.
It always seems like days such as this I have so much to say. Just warning you this might be a little dark.
Today was the first Thanksgiving that my Grandpa S wasn't with us. Usually him, my grandma and my grandma D come over to my house to celebrate the holiday. He passed away in April of this year. I struggled with letting go of the pain from his death for months. I finally thought I was making progress in it until today.
Since I woke this morning I couldn't help but hear his voice in my head. I could hear his laugh and his little sayings he always told me and my cousins. I found myself remembering in clear detail what he looked like, how he walked and how he loved us. It was hard.
I guess I repressed those things to take away the pain I felt. I wish I could just hug him one last time and tell him how much he means to me.
It was a rough Thanksgiving. Me, my mom and my dad all went down to my Grandma D's house this year. She lives alone since my Grandpa D's passing in 2003. I struggled with his death for a while too, even though I was only 13 I felt so much pain and that is where I turned to cutting. My aunt and uncle (moms brother) and cousin were there as well. I get along with my moms side of my family so great. With them I actually feel loved and accepted, unlike my dads side.
We were all sitting around laughing and having a seemingly good time. I looked on my Grandmas television stand and saw a picture of my Aunt Patty and it hit me that she isn't around to be with my uncle on this holiday. She passed in May of this year. Her and My Grandpas deaths were both within a month of each other.
Holidays this year are rough. Nobody wants to say it but we all miss them terribly. Today made me so thankful for the loving members of my family even more. Those whom I love. I know this might sound harsh and heartless but I cannot get myself to say I'm thankful for most of my pops' side of the family. Anyways we're not talking about this.
I hate feeling depressed on the holidays because you're not supposed to be sad, I feel like it's wrong to be all sad and missing my Grandpa with everything.
So that's what I wanted to talk about tonight.
Happy Holidays everyone!!
-J
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI was reading a Mercy Girls blog when I saw your picture of 'Love is the Movement' pop up. I got really excited because in two days, December 3rd, the founder will be presenting on our Brockport campus. I saw that you went to Utica, NY for a conference, the presentation is in Brockport, NY outside of Rochester. I don't know if you are close but you are more than welcome to join us. This is weird I know. You can check their website's schedule for cred.
I am also a lover of Jesus Christ and next semester I have the honor of interning at Mercy Ministries in Nashville, the blog we are both following. :)
SO long story short, you are in my prayers and your honesty and love for Jesus will bring you through anything AND if you can make it you will LOVE the performance.
Kerri ::Above All Else: Love::